I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
