Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
