My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
