I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
