I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
