I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
