he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
