Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
