Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
