just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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