Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
