Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
