Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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