watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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