My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
