Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
