I hope mine doesn't look like that
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pants are for mortals
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
