In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
