Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
