i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
