i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize