I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
