happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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