I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize