Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
