I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
