Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
