i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
