I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
