at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
