Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When are your genitals available?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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