this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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