If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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