Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
