The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
