I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
