You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
