I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
