Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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