Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
