I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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