i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
