I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
