I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vagina is officially offended.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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