rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
