Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
