grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
