Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
