What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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