No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry about my life...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
