Cold hands, warm shart.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
