He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Houston, we have a blender
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
