Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
