i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i will never coherently bang her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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