The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
