I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
