Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
