Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
