Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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