i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize