now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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