Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
