were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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