My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
