ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
