You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
