did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
