Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
