Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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