My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
