I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
two words...techno handjob
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
