I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
