There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
