dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
