Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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