I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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