whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize