i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
