Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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